I Take A Bike Ride: Olmsted, The Clintons & Chicken Fat

Louisville is home and privilege to fantastic parks designed by Frederick Law Olmsted, the “Father of American Landscape Architecture”, who also designed Central Park in New York City. Despite my love for many things in Manhattan, Central Park has never been high on my list of favorite places. Spoiled by growing up in the rural, wooded outskirts of Gotham in Fairfield County, Connecticut, Central Park was never really nature to me because I knew that REAL nature did not involve cat calls, dog shit and creeps.

Although I have only been to Cherokee Park so far, Iroquois and Shawnee Parks also act just as they were intended: as a source of healthful inspiration, perfectly planned according to regional topography and completing one man’s vision of nature stimulating the body, the mind and the spirit through thoughtful planning. The park system here is one of only five of its kind and known nationally as, according to www.Olmstedparks.org, the “defining park system of Olmsted’s career.”

Take that, New York.

It is an amazing adventure to ride through this park. Every time, I feel like I did as a child when I could borrow a neighbor’s bike: free and strong and fearless. I have been riding everywhere in fifth gear because I am borrowing a bike again, here and now, and don’t know how to change it. I ride all around the town, up hills and down winding paths lined with trees and brimming with life, all in fifth gear. This is excellent for my heart and physique, and I am finding that my increase in activity (as compared to how hard it is to enjoy recreation in NYC when you and several hundred thousand people are vying for their slice of Zen) has eased the trauma of the fire somehow. Being physically strong keeps me mentally strong.

I love climbing trees, but check out those GIANT THORNS. No way. And below, this bush was actually observed on my bike ride out of Cherokee Park. The roses were so sweet and fragrant, and they reminded me of my grandmother, Gerarda, who would always be tending to — and stopping to smell — pink roses.

A few days ago Bill & Hillary Clinton (not Scientologists) took over a quiet Kentuckiana street and I captured some of the spectators on film. The quality is not great on youtube but please notice the employee of Lynn’s Paradise Cafe (known locally as the
“hipster Cracker Barrel” where unlimited refills of soft drinks delight some but disgust me) who brought her two young children to catch a glimpse and have breakfast. When she calls Bill Clinton “awesome” the FOX reporter seems to hurry off.

And finally, no bike ride this week would be complete without an educational lesson in lard from this friendly truck operator I encountered in a Louisville alley. Have YOU ever wondered where all of the fat that buffalo wings get fried in goes once a week? In case you can’t hear his response when I ask “where does the grease go?”, he answers: lipstick, rouge, cosmetics, aspirin, scotch tape & synthetic rubber. So when you open Vogue and see a hot model with juicy lips, think of what’s in that bin there. That’s why it doesn’t wash off of your collar!

I Hijack The Red Carpet At The 134th Kentucky Derby (On My Birthday)

The red carpet at the 134th running of the Kentucky Derby was bustling with local and national media representatives and teeming with both Hollywood elite and obscure guests. The only celebrities I did not speak with were Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, both of whom I would not know exist if I did not occasionally pick up a weekly tabloid rag every now and then in an airport. I don’t watch whatever show they are on and it is obvious to me that they are starved for attention. The two, who apparently sell posed photos of themselves to the tabloids in a pathetic effort to remain in the public psyche, remain a running joke in Hollywood. And in Louisville. They stopped to speak with someone at the beginning of the carpet when they became upset and hurried off, ignoring the rest of us.

On the opposite side of the spectrum of TALENTED artists, Taylor Dane was the first person I recognized who stopped to chat. She wore a white TIBI dress, vintage hat, Burberry belt and is a fellow Derby enthusiast.

Next up were Bobby Flay and his wife (and actress) Stephanie March, who looked radiant in Alexander McQueen and whose red hat was recycled, worn to her very first Derby years ago. Bobby, as is to be expected, was talking about food.

Julius Erving and family.

Nick Lachey in Hugo Boss.

Model Molly Simms looking perfectly put together.

Hugh Hefner and the Girls Next Door. From left to right: Kendra Wilkinson, Bridget Marquardt and Holly Madison, who glued all of those “My Little Ponys” to her hat herself. Adorable.

Above: Steve Cauthen, the last jockey to win the Triple Crown riding Affirmed, in 1978. Cauthen is also the youngest jockey in history to win the Kentucky Derby, doing so at the age of 18.

Adrian Grenier, who is so good looking and got all of the belles in such the tizzy that I just couldn’t get a good picture of him.

Carson Daly and his lovely mother, Pattie Daly Caruso, a breast cancer survivor. When I spoke with Pattie and Carson they had already been on-camera with other interviewers and no one before me told her she had lipstick on her tooth! She was so appreciative. Wouldn’t you be?

Bo Derek, spokesperson for the Animal Welfare Institute’s national campaign to end horse slaughter through passage of the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act and author of her autobiography titled Riding Lessons, Everything That Matters in Life I Learned From Horses, looks fresh and radiant.

Motown legend Mr. Smokey Robinson & wife.

At left, the improvisational comedic genius Fred Willard with “Heroes” Greg Grunberg who is a member of BAND FROM TV and raises funds for the Pediatric Epilepsy Project in Los Angeles.

And my favorite, the charming Larry Birkhead, who while on the red carpet spoke about his daughter (which was very, very sweet) who “kept pointing to the color pink” when he asked her to pick a horse. He also mentions that pink was “Anna’s favorite color.”

I Jump The Rail At Churchill Downs And Am Moved To Tears (On My Birthday)

After hours walking in heels, no matter how expensive they are, human feet begin to hurt. And even though it was my very first Derby I somehow instinctively knew to walk the quarter-mile to the backside in my fishnets for a well-deserved foot massage (which is just what all of the women who own, train and are affiliated with racing elite do after each and every Derby). Just another reason I believe “My Old Kentucky Home” was meant to be my new (temporary) Kentucky home.

And this was the most magical moment of my life. So far:

My Heart Breaks (On My Birthday)

It isn’t every day a magnificent animal such as Eight Belles strolls by you, drenched in sunlight, and takes your breath away as she did when I met her on Thursday, May 1st as she was schooled in the Churchill Downs paddock. Her running in the 134th Kentucky Derby – the only filly among a whopping 19 male competitors – was incredibly inspiring to many young girls and older women alike. She was the favorite among most females and was even supported by Hillary Clinton. Belle’s challenge of “beating the boys” in the run for the roses had hopes running high and hearts racing, up until the final furlong when she placed second and throngs of elated spectators celebrated her major victory. Many present didn’t notice the ambulance rushing out to the far bend by the backside of the track, but I did. When the second ambulance, an equine ambulance, sped along the track, I knew a horse was down and desperately strained my eyes to see who it was. When a lone jockey in red silks came running — on foot — back toward the stands before being picked up by a lead horse and rider, I knew the situation was bad. When the white sheet went up, I knew the situation was tragic. Eight Belles was euthanized six minutes after her glorious victory, her two front ankles fractured and broken with no hope of walking, let alone running, again. The victor, Big Brown, made history on my birthday by winning the race from the #20 post, an accomplishment which had not been achieved since 1929. But no one was cheering in the stands. There was celebrating among those who could not see around that bend, however from my vantage point the race’s ending was somber. Word spread like wildfire of Belle’s demise and I excused myself from my party and quietly wept, hiding my face beneath the brim of my fancy white hat as I walked to the ladies room in the skybox I was lucky to watch the race from. When I entered the restroom, adorned as all of the VIP areas were with hundreds of red roses, there were at least twenty women there with me, also crying. The 134th “Run for the Roses” boasted a record attendance of 157, 770 spectators, and we all cried for Eight Belles together.

Here is Eight Belles moments before her historical last run.

I Realize a Childhood Dream

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of one day visiting, of all the places on Earth, Kentucky. Since the Derby falls on my 29th birthday this year and I am attending, I have waited a long time to fulfill this dream and quite honestly, the bluegrass state is everything I hoped it would be. And more. I have never been so happy in all of my life.

Colonel John on Thursday May 1st with handler. Opening line odds of winning the Kentucky Derby are 4:1.

Photos by: Me.

Pyro, initially the Derby favorite, has 6:1 opening odds. While Jockey Shaun Bridgmohan tries to become the first black rider to win the Derby since 1902.

Not sure who this is at the 2008 Spring Meet at Churchill Downs, also on Thursday, May 1st, but I love this picture and wonder what the jockey is thinking before being led to the gate.

I Sing Karaoke For The First Time

The two weeks preceding the Kentucky Derby in Louisville offer a host of traditions to partake in. Since I missed the steam boat race on Wednesday, once night fell I anticipated a visit to a local bar, Seidenfadens, where Kentuckians and implants alike imbibe and croon every year on the Wednesday before Derby. Aside from singing backup once on a Pat Benetar song in a dark room on a late night in New York City, I never actually sang karaoke until convinced by a man named Barry to join him and share our rendition of “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart” (he said he had only known of one Kiki and that I had to sing her song). I dedicated my karaoke virginity to Pilgrim and after singing made a public service announcement, reminding everyone present to check their fire extinguishers and, if they did not have them, to go get one and avoid the devastation and disconnect I have experienced in the wake of the disastrous fire which took Pilgrim’s life on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008.

Rest in Peace, DJ Pilgrim. You are missed.

I Identify With An LCD Soundsystem Song

In the words of James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem, “New York I love you, but you’re freaking me out.”

So I am doing something about it.